Motherhood is… something else…
It’s turning out to be everything and nothing like I thought.
When I found out I was pregnant with my sweet girl, I was elated. THIS is what I’d been wanting. This is what I felt like I was meant to do in my life. To be a mom. I had all these ideas of what it was supposed to be, and how I was supposed to be as a mom. Some of those hold true, but in reality most of them do not. I find it harder than I thought it would be. I love her more than I ever thought I would. I am stronger than I ever knew I could be. I feel more than I thought humanly possible. I’ve been tested and pushed to my limits. I’ve learned things about myself I never knew I was or could be. This is the greatest thing I have done with my life so far.
We all have bad days. We all probably don’t shower enough and we critique ourselves too much. But I think we get so caught up in saying how tired we are, how much of a mess we are, how imperfect we are, that we forget that without this we would be lost. We forget that these moments are so fleeting and so short. We forget that it’s okay to be imperfect. Whatever that may mean to you.
So what if we’re tired or dirty? Who cares if we are imperfect or a hot mess? None of that matters. We spend so much time saying how hard motherhood is, how exhausting it is, how you have no life anymore, how you’re no longer your own anymore. But what would we be if we lost it all? Or never had it in the first place?
Some people would be fine, of course, or even thrive. That’s what they chose, but this is what we chose. Why have parents been conditioned to think their choice is a hardship? Any important decision has trials and benefits.
This is my first child, my first time with everything that goes along with raising a human. Yes, I’m still new to this whole thing, and yes, I haven’t experienced a lot of what motherhood can be yet. But I have experienced 10 months with her. 10 months that feel like they started yesterday. This thing we’re doing, it goes too quickly. It disappears before our eyes and we’re here, helplessly watching as our children grow. As they change and learn. As they experience the world not only through their eyes, but through us. They’re going to remember the laughter, the way we made them feel. They’re going to remember us being there when they needed us. They’ll remember the hugs, the stories, the kisses, and tickles. So while we spend time exclaiming how tired we are, how imperfect we are, or how little we’ve gotten done, our little ones are growing. They see us as completely perfect, we are their superheroes and their guardians.
So what does motherhood mean to me? Motherhood is accepting this. Motherhood is me raising a human and realizing it’s ok if I don’t do it all. I’ll make mistakes, I’ll make time for myself and for the household. But most of all I’ll make time for her.
I’ll never remember the day I didn’t get the dishes done or how long it was between long showers. But I’ll always remember laughing with her on the floor. I’ll always remember her smile when I walk in a room, and I’ll never forget how tiny she felt in my arms. I hope she never remembers me as a hot mess… the imperfect mom that I am. Instead I hope she remembers me always being there, making memories with her and leaving the rest till later.
Motherhood is amazing, then it’s tough, then it’s amazing again. But in between are a million memories making a lifetime of happiness and love that can never be replaced.
This post was written by Annie Rothe, a Colorado-born, yoga-loving, Samoyed-owning mom to an 8 month old little girl. Annie began blogging over at Simply Annie after having her daughter and becoming a SAHM. Between naps and play dates she loves arranging flowers, writing for her blog, spending time with her husband and her tribe.
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